Hello thank you so much for all of your kind comments on my art recently! Some of you just leave short comments like "Nice" or "I love it" and others write epic poems worthy of submission to the National Archives. Either way they always make me smile. I try not to make it a habit to react to them in the morning, because it is honestly so joyful reading them that I will not get any work done throughout the day. But every few hours throughout the day between activities, I will look at them and reply to a few and it makes me very happy so thank you!
I'm also sorry I'm so hard to talk to. It's something that has changed that I don't like. I can look at digital backups of my conversations from back in 2005 or 2015 and it almost feels like I was literally a different person back then! But 7 or 8 years ago it is like a switch suddenly flipped in my head. Instead of perceiving conversations as fun ways to get to know people, suddenly conversations were now an obstacle in the way of other things I want to do. Whether I am drawing, watching a show, gaming with friends or gaming by myself, studying or anything else if I get a message, my brain instinctively fights against it. "A message! Ugh! Make it go away! I want to concentrate on this other thing!"
While I'm not making excuses for my behavior, I think it might stem from living without roommates. When you live with someone else, your time is constantly interrupted by them cooking meals, playing music, going out -- small incidental events that make you resurface from the depths and think, "Oh that's right! I'm a human being who exists in a world with humans." When you live by yourself, you often go entire days with only cursory human contact and it's easy to think that your drawings, your shows or your games are the most important things in the world.
I had a moment of clairvoyance the other day when I realized there are certain human phrases like "They're spending a lot of time together" which is seen as a positive, or "She's spending a lot of time alone" which is always a negative. "They're always with each other," oh that's nice! Are they going out? "She's always by herself," Oh no! Should we talk to her? ... ...And on one level that's a toxic mindset, why is spending time alone bad? People can spend their time however they like. But on the other hand it makes sense -- not in an oppressive "everybody must be an extrovert" way but in a healthier way. Humanity and its causes are primarily advanced through interacting with humans. If we talk about a fun new video game I'm playing or we go see a movie together, these kinds of shared experiences gradually make the world a better place. If I play a video game and watch Netflix by myself, the world is about the same as it was. So maybe being by yourself is a mistake (at least a little one) and maybe having a preference for being alone is bad (or at least a little bad.)
Anyways I appreciate everyone's efforts to reach out and I apologize if sometimes it feels like I am slapping your hand away! It's something wrong with me, and I'm trying my best to compensate for it. You're all very special to me! Thank you for playing Monster Mind, I appreciate everyone talking about it so much. I'd love to make another video game like it some day! It would be very difficult for me but I think it would be fun to try.
